


Crewman's Log

by AliciaMcWayne



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 11:57:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13589565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliciaMcWayne/pseuds/AliciaMcWayne
Summary: Three months after their return to the prime universe, Ash still pines over Michael.





	Crewman's Log

It's been three months. Things are getting better. She's no longer repulsed by my presence but she's not exactly cordial either. The crew have been supportive. I suppose they look at me as a victim of war crimes. And I don't think I could have maintained any semblance of sanity without them. Especially Tilly. She's been there for me through all of this. Been someone that I can really talk to. Captain Saru has me going to therapy once a day, but I haven't talked to Dr. Tennet about Michael. But I can talk to Tilly. She understands how Michael can be. Sylvia is the only person that Michael really talks to. At least now. She used to talk to me. Whenever we're on duty together, she is all business. Back to her Vulcan logic. As much as I want her back, sometimes I think it's easier that way. That I should try to keep my distance and let her try to heal. Let myself get over her. A few times Tilly convinced her to have lunch with us. Then she would say something to make Michael laugh. And Michael would turn to me with that smile and joy in those big brown eyes. And for a few seconds I could pretend that it was meant for me and that everything was like it was before. But then she would remember and her smile would fade. And she'd go back to staring at her plate or she'd excuse herself. Every time it feels like a knife to my chest. I'm not sure how much more I can take. Every time I close my eyes I see her. I dream of her. In my arms, smiling up at me. I see her lips parting, ready for me to kiss her. I can almost feel her hands on me, pulling me close to her. I see her on top of me. Taking her pleasure from me and giving it in return. I want so desperately to be inside her again. For her to make love to me. To fall asleep with her breasts pressed against my chest and her hair in my face. She told me that I'd lied to her. I could tell that was what hurt her the most. If I get the chance, I won't make that mistake again. Tilly tells me to be patient, and I will. Whatever it takes.


End file.
